The End

image from here

LOST. The End. And so we've come full circle, ending similarly to the way we began; Jack's eyes close, it is done. The four of us, huddled around the widescreen tv, wipe our drenched faces and cling to eachother. This night does not simply mark the ending of  a great show on television; it is the crumbling of a family tradition, a dissolving of the only bond of its kind that we share together. Once a week, for six years, we gathered for this event only. Two parties a year - one for the premiere, one for the finale. We stayed up late countless nights, debating together, discussing, theorizing. We poured over the official magazine, coveted each season's boxed set, searched websites for leaked info and spoilers. We shared so many LOST moments as a family - tears spilled over our cheeks at tender moments, screams ripped from our throats at various shocks, fists were pumped in the air at victories, and excessive line repeating never ceased. For a third of my life LOST gave my family an excuse to connect and share when nothing else seemed to keep us together. We were able to empathize with our favorite characters, and as a result became more human through watching their familiar pain. LOST has done something for us that is hard for a show to do, and that is change our lives. There will never be another LOST in my heart or the hearts of my family members. Goodbye. The end.

BOOM.

bones

*quote from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Growing up won't bring us down.

Adultitis Escape Plan: Chickens!! :D

Adultitis: Challenge #1

image from here

So. The first Adultitis Challenge is to immerse yourself for at least 15 minutes in something you know nothing about. What did I choose to immerse myself in?? CHICKENS of course! ("of course"?! O_O;) I grabbed Keep Chickens - which I'd bought on a whim in an adorable little Ely bookstore awhile ago - and started reading.

I learned about how small flocks of chickens are actually pretty easy to take care of once you've got the system down. they don't need to be bathed or walked like dogs do, and all they need is chicken feed, a coop with places to perch and lay eggs, and a chicken run for them to strut around in. It's also important to make sure you don't have just one solo chicken though, because chickens are social and wil get lonely. About three chickens is enough for a minimum.

Chickens will lay about an egg a day, with or without a rooster; the difference is that when there is a rooster, there will be a little chick inside the egg, and if there is no rooster, it'll be an egg for eating. Roosters are not typically allowed to be kept in cities because they cockadoodledoo ALL THE TIME, not just in the morning!!

One difficulty with keeping chickens is not a problem with the chickens themselves, but with another animal: rats. Rats love to eat chicken feed and will constantly try to dig tunnels up into the chicken coop to get into it. Pretty much the only solution is to make a box with poison inside and a rat-sized hole, and leave that in the coop for the rat to die in. I find this kind of unsettling - I know people might think rats are "creepy" or "gross", but I think they deserve to live! If I ever have chickens I'll find some other way to remove the rats without killing them :)

On a final note, I think keeping chickens sounds fun and would like to try it! I hope to have experience with keeping all sorts of animals near me in the future~

Naked Truth

Naked, in front of the mirror
I see my scars -
my histroy, my feelings -
Branded into my skin

This one here - hopelessness
This one - fear
Here and here -
Uncertainty and loneliness

I trace them all carefully
Because I don't want to forget.
Even if there is still shame
My mistakes are a roadmap,
Etched across my pale skin

A map I will follow
To a future where I will no longer need
To cut roadblocks and detours
Into my body to remember them

image from here

speak to me

i wish the world spoke my language.
that is, i wish there were more
idle silences, like
honey seeping over tastebuds
sincere words, like
murmurs of water beneath the desert
gentle voices, like
a breath upon a dandelion.
no one would waste sweet air
on meaningless chatter.
there are so many useless words
clogging the arteries of the world's heart.
so many ugly words.
such things are not needed
such sounds should not have to be heard.
the sounds of this world
ehoe in and out and around us
it becomes so difficult
to seperate ourselves from the noise.
what is me and what is only the hum of the outside?
i filter.
without - how could i? stay sane.
the world is buzzing with things to say
so many useless things which mean nothing at all
how can we find meaning?
extract the lovely from the din, and leave the rest
to the world's eager ears. let them be fools.
let them babble on in ways i don't understand.
speak beautifully, filter the sounds of reality.
dream in flower-colored language,
bees dancing on my tongue.

inspired by this poem here

image from here

The Canvas That Is Me

Deadpan, uncaring, indifferent

These are the masks that hide

a blazing sunburst of emotions.

Color me alive

I beg the muse,

with red in my veins

and blue in my eyes.

Paint the hues of humanity

with delicate compassion,

Don't dash my warm-toned heart

with purple-bruising disdain -

Or worse -
don't leave me a blank page
to endlessly echo my own emptiness.

images found here

droplets of self

image found here

I wish I weren't so trapped in this flesh casing.

I wish I were rather,
an organically flowing form, like water -
or like air.
God, how amazing it must feel -!
to spread into shapeless backbend, boundaryless -
edgeless as eternity,
No solid requirements or rigid containers
to pour into -
unnaturally, forcibly,
trying in vain to fit the mold.
Let me instead splash around that mold,
dribbling spontaneously in branches of
liquid ambition,
until all doubt is washed away,
until all my streams of indecision unite,
under one immense body.