Trust

image found here

Trust: one of the most difficult tasks for human beings to master. Maybe for some people trust comes naturally, or to some it might even seem ridiculous of me to suggest that it doesn't, but for me being asked to trust someone is like being asked to stick my hand through the bars of a lion's cage. Um, NO THANKS, I'd rather keep my appendages please.

The truth of the matter is - trust can be tricky because trusting involves one key ingredient that I (and others?) are most reluctant to provide: vulnerability. To put full trust in someone is to allow them to have power over you; but when you are open (aka vulnerable), you make space for trust to move in. To allow others to see your small, cracked, imperfect, untamed sides is to trust them enough that they won't kick you when you’re down, won't take advantage of your weaknesses.

What makes this essential vulnerability so difficult for me personally is that I already feel vulnerable just existing in the presence of other people. I squirm under their gazes, tremble at any hint of nearness, shudder at thoughts of how they could hurt me. Allowing trust to slip in is a terrifying objective, I'd feel like a baby wandering into a cave of hungry wolves.

It takes so much courage to remove the layers of strength we all hide behind, but revealing our true selves to others is truly what trust is all about. If we do allow others behind our false guards, it could be an extremely rewarding experience, but we could also get hurt. Sometimes both.

But I want to believe that the times people come through for me when I open up outweigh the times when I am hurt or let down. I'd like to believe that trusting and being open, surrendered, is the best way to live. I want to let go of all the fears I have that keep me from being who I actually am. I want to learn to trust.